The Hobo Within

I have often spoken to the children about learning to see (and then strangle) within themselves the person they THINK they are--that person whose motives are continually pure, who lives in a state of perpetual self-justification, who is always just a little misunderstood and maligned by the general riff-raff (i.e. everyone else).  That idealized self who deserves only the best of every situation, but somehow ends up with a raw enough deal to merit a heaping dose of self-pity.

It is as if they each have an inner defense attorney who comes marching out with excuses and blame every time they get in trouble.   

Nothing was ever his/her fault!  There were extenuating circumstances!  He was framed!  She was misrepresented!   It was self defense!

And so we end up with situations like, "I had every right to whop you on the chin, kick your cars under the couch, and tackle you to the ground because YOU LAUGHED WHEN MY BLOCK TOWER FELL!"

Grown ups have their own versions that sound almost as silly. And if the pattern of self-justification becomes a way of life, too often we see a person who careens through life with an over-developed self-esteem and an unformed conscience.

To prevent this unfortunate outcome, it falls to me as a parent to train my children to see themselves as everyone else see them--not as the airbrushed and idealized image in their heads, but as "real" people, possessed of selfish impulses alongside the good.    

They need to see that they are part of the hoi polloi who sometimes make bad choices and should repent for them, who sometimes say impulsive and hurtful things in anger and ought to apologize.

So, here at the Birmingham Child Development Center we spend a lot of time going back over hurtful words, reliving altercations, and reconstructing crime scenes, my hope being that the inner spin doctor in each of my children will be quiet long enough to allow some character development to happen.

I would say we spend a good 25% of our school days on this activity, and it is painful! No one likes to hear that they are wrong. And even when there is admission of guilt, it usually takes another 15 minutes to unravel the excuses as to why it was justified.

Unfortunately, it is also hard to schedule. I can't just say, "Elijah, you are allowed 20 minutes of sin and repentance here before lunch, but make sure you don't start until 11:45 because I will be patching up the relationship between Jude and Isaiah right up until then...".

So we end up running behind a lot:)

I am not trying to crush their little spirits by harping on them all day, but to me, heart issues are even more essential than scholastic achievement. More importantly, I know they are significant to God, because a soft heart, yielded to the Holy Spirit is the path to freedom.

Freedom from what?

From the grasp of of the inner tyrant. The Old Man. Yes, friends, I am one of the throwbacks that still believes in original sin.

And guess what. It doesn't just live in children. It is that force in all humans which is either vehemently denied or perversely celebrated. The cursed inhabitant that has been upon us since Adam.

You see, the problem I so often run into while trying to help my dear children with their heart issues, is that I also have a heart issue--an inner squatter who yaps incessantly about how no one ever listens and how if people really cared about me at all, they would read my mind and pull their weight and know that I just can't deal with one more selfish interruption--ever.

My "old man" (she calls herself Phat Sandra) sits on an enormous couch of self-esteem, eating bags of deep fried egotism and chocolate covered vindication, making up good reasons for everything I do--even things that would be wrong for other people. (Handy!)

She can spin the sin and make it win! (At least that's what it says on her T-shirt.)

Sprawled out in the command central of my psyche, amid piles of unheeded admonitions and smashed bottles of constructive criticism, she weaves her magic.

Phat Sandra is the first to hand me the justifications for my actions when I am accused, while at the same time finding fault with the accuser. It is actually a spin move--the "Defend and Deflect"--which can be used to not only get rid of blame, but actually makes the other person feel bad for making you feel bad! (I learned it very young, and I'm pretty much an expert at this point.)

She can see true greatness in others, and using only a magnifying glass, a twist tie, and my own insecurities she can ferret out their real, perceived, and imagined failings, bundle them into a stinking pile, and make me feel superior to them!

She can take selfishness, greed, laziness, or pride, and instantly find three people who have it worse and take it farther. Then, if there are remaining shards of guilt, she cleans them up with extenuating circumstance--organized and alphabetized for my convenient perusal.

She tunes my ear to the cultural cacophony--the constant clamor of voices telling me to find myself, love myself, and make sure my needs are being met. I am urged to be "who I am", to follow my dreams, respect myself and my choices, and not let anyone change me.

Then, because I am unsatisfied, lonely, and pretty much intolerable to everyone around me by this point, she leads me to the deep waters of self-pity.

Oh, self pity! That pool of endless delight! Which of us has not spent time there, floating on a raft made of hurt feelings and misunderstanding! We paddle around, feeling sorrier and sorrier for ourselves--and at the same time more justified in our responses. We make up soliloquies which we then deliver with dramatic eloquence to all the critics and haters in our heads.

They line the edges of the pool, wispy and quiet. The people who dared to challenge our agenda. There we put them in their place. They are inevitably left stunned and impressed. Repentant even. Changed! And of course grateful for the comeuppance. (Why can't real people react that way?)

There, in our heads, we find the respect we deserve. We are masters of the universe that ought to be. (The one where we are always right and everyone else recognizes that obvious fact.)

So what is the problem with letting go and living there? Phat Sandra makes me feel good about my choices. She loves me just the way I am! She doesn't judge me. She is endlessly interested and affirming.

The problem is that by the very standards I have set for other people, I stand condemned. I selfishly condemn the selfish, harshly decry the harsh, hatefully judge the hateful. But then I go farther. I selfishly condemn the good-intentioned, harshly decry the weak and needy, and hatefully judge the deceived.

Do I really want to be measured by the measuring stick I use on everyone else? Could I stand under the judgement I mete out each day in my own head on you..and you...and you?

Never. Nor is there any limit on the grace I give myself. Nor generosity in the meager grace I dispense to others.

And if I couldn't even withstand my own judgement, how could I EVER hope to stand before a Holy God?

LEST ANYONE THINK I AM BEING TO HARD ON MYSELF, beware. You are just the same. And look around at the rest of the world. Sweetness and light?

The biblical explanation for the problem of ubiquitous evil is the only one that makes sense, it's name is SIN, and we are all infected.

Why else would the planet still be groaning with violence and evil--even after we learned to "give peace a chance" and "what the world needs now is love" in the 1960s? 

Can it be that evil isn't caused by a lack of information? Or education? Or sanitation?

If we are all so inherently good and peaceful, why are we killing each other, abandoning our children, leaving our marriages, lying and stealing and cheating? Even the people who are trying to be good citizens are prone to laziness, self-deception, and pride. You know we are! Stop shaking your head and admit it!

(Why are my blogs always so cheerful? It's just my little gift to all 12 of you who have read this far:)

So, since most of us aren't struggling with the temptation to commit genocide, let's take it to where we live.

I love the quote from C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters where Wormwood receives this advice about how easy it is to trap a human into the sin of pride-fulness,

“Catch him at the moment when he is really poor in spirit and smuggle into his mind the gratifying reflection, ‘By jove! I’m being humble,’ and almost immediately pride - pride at his own humility - will appear. If he awakes to the danger and tries to smother this new form of pride, make him proud of his attempt - and so on.”

Oh, I camp out there sometimes! How often I will do something with a genuine desire to be nice, but then find myself thinking about it later, congratulating myself on the sheer awesomeness of the impulse, and wishing more people had been around to see it. (Am I the only one who does this????)

And how about that self-pity? It blinds us to the needs of those around us and is, at it's core, selfish.

Doing to others as they do to you on the highway, in the check-out lane, at the dinner table? Anyone? Anyone?

So, I (and you) and my children are the same. Same problem. Same cure.

Without rescue from myself, I will ultimately be consumed by self-deception and pride. The pathway to self-satisfaction will be littered with the corpses of the people I will use and discard in my never ending quest for gratification.

No one will ever be good enough. No circumstance, once obtained, will ever satisfy. (Hollywood syndrome) No one's love and sacrifice for me will ever go far enough or deep enough. In my quest to satiate my endless needs, I will create a monster that cannot be pleased with anything.

"Question authority and follow your heart" is the advice that got us kicked out of the garden in the first place, and it hasn't improved any since it's debut, no matter how many pop songs, Disney movies, and self-help gurus try to pretty it up.

I don't want myself or my babies deceived by that same serpent. The flicking tongue of the ultimate destroyer is still here, and I want them to recognize it when they see it--even if it is within.

And THAT is why I spend so much of my school day making my children look at their hearts in addition to their phonics.

Lord willing, they will eventually see their need for a new resident within--a new man. A last Adam to be the antidote to the first.

“For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. . . . The first man Adam became a living being, the last Adam, a life-giving spirit. The first man was of the dust of the earth, the second man from heaven.” (1 Corinthians 15:21–22; 15:45–47).

I need the same thing, and I am grateful for parents who led me to my Deliverer. Yes, I still live with Phat Sandra. But she is, by God's grace, smaller and quieter than when we first met. The duct tape stays on her mouth longer than it used to. And I don't feed her as much.

And although I can urge my children to see themselves through true eyes, that burden is not primarily mine. It will be the Holy Spirit's convicting work that changes their hearts for good, and He is better at it than I could ever be.

***************************************************************

Romans 8:2-6

"through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

For what the law was powerless to do (in that it was weakened by the sinful nature), God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.

And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; "

Galatians 5:16-17, 22-25
16 " So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want ... 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

America-- In With a Roar...Out With a Tweet.

Alternate title: The transition from "Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death" to "Give Me an Obama-phone and Birth Control Pills or...I'll Riot""   

Jamey's Cultural Postmortem, Part 1 of...??

Many questions have been in my mind over the past few weeks regarding the direction of our country, or more precisely, the people of this country.  How did we get to this point?  What are the principle factors that led to the decline of our culture over the past few decades?  How is it that a nation founded on personal responsibility and a unquenchable desire for liberty has been transformed into a population filled with people who want to take the easy way, often at the cost of their own spiritual and economic prosperity and fully on the dime of others?  How is it that the majority of citizens (or more precisely, voters) do not even see this as a problem?

There has been an unmistakable change in the foundational values that used to guide us as a country.  I do not sit here and blithely assert that there is an easy solution to the problems we face as a people.  I grasp that there are myriad numbers of issues and factors that have influenced our fundamental transformation.  However, knowing this may sound naive and childish, I do think there is a simple solution.  What that solution is, I will get to in due time, but first want to briefly outline how I believe we arrived at the current state of affairs.   I do not, at present, hold much optimism that the simple solution I have in mind will be implemented, as it is contrary to all the darker aspects of our fallen nature as human beings. 

We live in an age that is unlike any other in history, one that has witnessed the visual entertainment media become the dominant methodology through which people develop their knowledge base. In  Neil Postman's excellent book "Amusing Ourselves to Death",  the author argues that we have sacrificed a great depth of the knowledge that comes from reading, writing, and verbal discourse, to an entertainment based approach that facilitates a shallowness and ultimately accentuates our self-centered inclinations. 

As even the news of the day gets transformed into a media event, our perspective on vital topics becomes so much "me" focused.  It does not take much reflection to see how this ultimately would impact our ability to contemplate and grasp such critical issues as politics, economics, and religion and their effect on the wider community (outside oneself), and even on future generations.  Postman describes this change of thought as a "descent into a vast triviality" and leads to an inability to grasp the deeper issues inherent in these vital areas of life. 

Building up the "me-centered" worldview in such superficial and transiently pleasing ways ultimately feeds the essence of what is wrong with humanity, namely our propensity for selfishness and pride. When the self is magnified, and people are no longer holding to a view of biblical morality, why would they act in a way other than to serve the self?  What would restrain the individual from taking what he can get, regardless of who has to pay?  If the dominant media culture feeds the inclination that "the world does indeed revolve around me", why would I then seek to protect the interests of others?

Our founders feared this mindset as they cautioned us against losing our moral footing.  Although our nation was based on an understanding that all people have certain inalienable rights granted by God, this was clearly tied to an understanding of Biblical values.  Understanding our divine heritage led to a view of life that understood that there is eternal accountability for our actions here on earth, and that should provide a foundation for an individual's behavior. 

Further, they understood that this Republic, based on morality and the rule of law, with limits placed on governmental power to enable the people the freedom to pursue their interests and talents, would not long survive when the people lacked restraint and could vote for themselves the fruit of some other person's labor.  A moral and God-fearing people were essential to making this experiment in liberty work. 

Now, I do not here suggest that all our founders were Christians (although many were).  Nor do I think that all of the population living in that day necessarily were either.  However, there is no doubt that there was a foundation of moral restraint that provided a critical backbone for the society at large, an anchor that kept the people from so easily giving in to the inherent desire to serve self.  This led them to more readily consider the broader needs of their countrymen and the legacy they left for their descendants.  I would submit that we have now deified and glorified the self to such a degree that those living today care little for the society as a whole, and posterity does not even come into the individual consciousness, as long as the self is gratified.

It is upon this somewhat gloomy backdrop that I will examine what I think is the simple, but not easy, solution to the crises we face, whether it be as individuals, families, churches, or the nation at large.  

...and by the way:  A blog post is not the best forum to document all the different citations and quotations to support some of my claims, or to recount all my experiences and evidences that expand on some of what I have asserted in this post.  I think this would be more akin to a book than a blog if all that were added (perhaps some day?).  Those details I would be happy to supply to interested parties.  Suffice to say, that is commonplace among most academics and history courses to incessantly critique America's founding fathers, primarily based on picking apart their individual flaws.  Which of us could withstand such scrutiny in our own lives?  So, it is enough at this moment to focus instead on the foundational values and principles that they espoused and that guided them in their understanding of human nature and, by extension, the proper role of government. 

Forgiving...and Forgetting I Forgave

"Forgive our sins as we forgive" you taught us, Lord, to pray;

but you alone can grant us grace to live the words we say.

How can your pardon reach and bless the unforgiving heart

that broods on wrongs and will not let old bitterness depart?

In blazing light your cross reveals the truth we dimly knew,

what trivial debts are owed to us, how great our debt to you.

Lord, cleanse the depths within our souls and bid resentment cease.

Then, bound to all in bonds of love, our lives will spread your peace.
 

The words to this hymn are sobering.  Silencing.

Why, why, why is this so hard?  

Why can't it be "forgive the ones who feel bad after they hurt you"?  Or "forgive the ones you like"? 

 Even "forgive the ones who don't keep doing the same exact thing to you over and over and over" would be easier to swallow.

But "forgive as you have been forgiven" is the standard, and we MUST live by it.  

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." Romans 12:14

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  Colossians 3:13

And then, of course, Psalm 103

^"8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,    so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

I am talking to myself here. 

Home again early from Bible Study, I was reading Matthew 18, feeling as convicted as I could possibly be about the two square inches of forgiveness I possess for certain people.  

Big people.  Tiny people.  It doesn't matter.

Once offended, my inclination is to offer up a pardon the size of a postage stamp and tell the offender to, "Stick it anywhere you want.  Hope it covers, cuz that's all yer gonna git". 

 Stingy and incomplete and unacceptable, my dear Mrs. Birmingham! 

We have each heard a sermon or twelve about how Peter came to the Lord, feeling all generous with his offer to forgive "seven times" and gets told, "Nope, Buster.  It's infinity times.  And not only that, if you don't, you will be judged with the measure you use on others." (my own paraphrase;)

Oh, mercy!


I pretty much have to preach this message to myself on an ongoing basis because it is something I stink at.   

Can you really have forgiven someone if you say it and act like it, but you don't feel like you have inside?

Is it enough to say, "I forgive you", while you are still crying and wishing you could run out of the room?  

When does it count?  

And here is another question.  Could the "seventy times seven" be for just one offense?  

Because what happens to me (to my shame and horror) is that sometimes I will really FEEL like I have buried the offense.  Given it to God!  Freed my soul!  Prayed the prayers and believed the Word and I am ready to love again with my whole being.  Nothing held back!  I go to bed with rainbows and butterflies and unicorns holding hands and singing Kum Ba Ya in my soul...

...and the next morning at breakfast the old grudge shows up--with bed head and bad breath, gettin' all up in my face.  

What's this?  There has been no new offense!  This one was supposed to be dead!  I was at the funeral!  I danced on its grave!  Remember the five verses of Kum Ba Ya I sang???

So why is it sitting at my table?
  
And how do I get rid of it...again?

And if it is here, what did I really bury?

Is there such a thing as serial forgiveness for an offense that is only "mostly-dead"?  

Does the fact that I can't make forgiveness stick, mean I don't really understand grace?

I don't know the Greek in the original Matthew 18 passage well enough to decipher whether Christ is commanding Peter (and all of us) to forgive a million sins committed by one brother, or one sin that repeats itself a million times (either in reality or mental replay).  Or both.   

But here is what I know.

I know Whom I have believed.

I know that He who began a good work in me "will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ."  Philippians 1:6

I know "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

I know that Christ has said," My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 

And so I can say with the Apostle Paul, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

Because I am like the 10 month old, who gets her legs for two seconds and decides to let go of Daddy's finger and start dancing in the end zone.  

We've all seen how that ends.  

The baby lands in a heap.  A look of shock and amazement flits across her face.  She tears up.  Looks up.  Reaches up.  And with her Daddy's help, gets up. 

  Maybe in another couple months (or years?), I'll have the faith and strength to take a couple more steps toward permanently squelching unforgiveness. 

For now, I seem to need every crutch, every reminder, every song and story and Scripture verse I can scratch together to help me keep its ugly mug away from my breakfast table every morning.

Baby steps...

My Lament...

I am sitting here before this glowing screen, contemplating what is in all likelihood the end of what was at one time a truly amazing country.  Trying to make some sense of it all.  This was a country that used to believe that liberty was among the highest and noblest of things we could strive and fight for.  A country which believed that very freedom, coupled with a deep sense of moral responsibility, would provide the greatest opportunity for the greatest number of people, and those people who did achieve great things would be able to bless others and expand opportunity for others.  We witnessed this this first hand as our country became the most prosperous in the history of the world and one of the greatest forces for freedom and good throughout the world.  Not that we were without faults, but the success of this experiment in liberty and limited government undeniably brought unprecedented results. 

Instead, we now move further and further down the path to big government dependency, with our lives ever more in the hands of a precious few who will dictate to us how we should live.  I still can not grasp why would anyone believe that those select few individuals would be better suited to fight and advocate for our best interests than an individual, or even local institutions and municipalities, would.  Why would so many willingly choose a false sense of security over the lure of great opportunity that comes from freedom, though admittedly mixed with some degree of risk?  Is it because the people of this great country became so risk averse that they would willingly subjugate themselves to the highest bidder, as long as they had promised to "provide" for them?

So then I thought, well yes, this is exactly what people naturally seem to do when they have lived under prosperity and freedom for so long.  When the people have no other perspective upon which to judge their lives, they fall prey to the thinking that this is simply the way that life has always been, so this is how it will always be.  They don't cherish freedom and prosperity because they have never had to fight for it.  As Thomas Paine had said: "What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value."  It has been all too easy in this nation for our people to reap the rewards of those who came before.  This steady decline was predicted, and warned against, by so many of our founding fathers (and early American observers like Alexis de Tocqueville) and I suspect they knew that even if they were successful in their venture, that the Republic would always exist on a razors edge. 

Human beings have too often traded the higher things for lesser things that seemed more secure.  This was a pattern repeated often in the Old Testament.  God had warned the people of Israel not to take a king or they would be under oppressive tyranny, having their goods and their loved ones taken from them (1 Samuel chapter 8).  God wanted His people to rely on Him, not on the apparent security of a king.  However, they rejected His call and did as they wanted, ultimately paying dearly for their choice.  1 Sam 8:18 "And in that day you will cry out because of your king, whom you have chosen for yourselves, but the LORD will not answer you in that day."

Now, I don't want to act as if I have some special insight as to what God may be trying to tell us now, in our day.  However, I do know that He remains the same from age to age and from kingdom to kingdom.  His principles stand, even when His people reject them.  I am convinced that this country was founded on a Biblical understanding of mankind and our need for reliance upon God, and it has been our abdication of His sovereign hand that will lead (or is already is leading) to our desolation.  Although I don't pretend to be His prophet, I do know it would be very foolish to think that we can abandon His principles and not face judgement.  I don't want to get into all the myriad ways we have turned away from God, but as a small sampling our turn can be seen in the absolute breakdown in the family (divorce, single parenthood, cohabitation, same sex marriage, etc), the widespread loose morals (gambling, pornography, violence, and so on), and the unbelievable abortion holocaust; these issues simply scratch the surface and do not even speak of the ways that the Church of God has rejected its role to be salt and light in this world.  

Even as I pray for an overwhelming revival among God fearing people in this land, it is my fear that it will not come.  There are times when the people harden their hearts, plug their ears, and shut their eyes to what is going on all around them.  It is my belief we live in one of those times.  God will not be mocked indefinitely, and although He continues to offer a way of salvation, and is ever patient with a rebellious people, His offer is often given with the foreknowledge that the message may be ignored and that judgement will someday come. 

I will conclude with this verse from the prophet Isaiah, which should serve as a sobering warning to all those willing to hear it.  Now understand, these words were not written to the USA in 2012, but the principle of rejecting God's word and His standards still applies.  Since God still sits upon His throne and He will bring down those who reject His ways, we may get a glimpse into the judgement of God, and we should tremble before the One who truly holds kings and kingdoms in His hand. 

Isaiah 6:9-12  "...“Go and tell this people: ‘Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving, Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.” Then I said, “For how long, O Lord?” And he answered: “Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitant, until the houses are left deserted and the fields ruined and ravaged, until the Lord has sent everyone far away and the land is utterly forsaken."

-- Jamey

Sing a Song of Siblings

Oh, the benefits of siblings!  

They are always there to disabuse you of the notion that you are the king of the universe.  

They sharpen your ability to follow six conversations at once.  

They know you better, love you better, entertain you better, and sanctify you better than anyone else on earth.  

You get to learn how to accept constructive (and destructive) criticism.  

You get to learn how to hear your secrets told in public and your embarrassments rehashed--and embellished--at family gatherings.  

You learn how to wait for the bathroom and how to overlook other people's laundry piles at the foot of your bed.  

You have a built in cheering section at every event and milestone of your life.  

You have shoulders to cry on and lean on, opponents and teammates for every sport, and scapegoats to take the blame for your brilliant ideas that should never have been tried in real life.  

With a houseful of "concerned" siblings, you can't get away with anything long enough for it to become a bad habit.  

Someone's always got your back, someone is always by your side--and someone is always out front, running to tell Mom what you did.  

You are sharpened by listening to the older ones, and entertained by listening to younger ones.  

You learn to die to your desires and serve others, and you get blessed by the loving service of others. 

Siblings give you great advice.  

And sometimes terrible advice.  

They use your shampoo and eat your candy stashes and forget to put the seat down.  

Brothers bring wild animals into the house and sometimes when you open a  container from the fridge, there is a mixture of  bugs, acorns, and dirt instead of yogurt.  But it is fun to hear boys laugh and they are the best at making leaf piles.  

Sisters fog up the bathroom with clouds of perfume and take 40 minute showers.  But they know what to do about scraped knees and they are always willing to make cookies.

More siblings means more birthday cake.  

Younger ones look up to you with awe.  Older ones look down upon you with affection...and sometimes irritation--especially when you use their toothbrushes or color on their stuff.  

You get to share bedrooms and food and toys and space in the backseat and clothes that you grow out of. 

 And colds.  

You learn when to hold your tongue and when to say your piece...and how to apologize afterward.  

You get hugged more.  

You learn how to read minds and moods.  

Siblings teach you how to handle being yelled at sometimes, and what to do when people cry in front of you.  

You learn how to help someone who is hurt, and how to overcome being hurt.  

You learn to clean up messes you didn't make, turn off lights you didn't turn on, turn a blind eye to piles you didn't create, and mop and sweep and fold and flush and wash and plunge and wipe down and polish and fix things out of love for the people who share your space. 

Because that is what best friends do, and I have never seen better friends than the ones that call themselves brother and sister.  

So grateful for my brother, Dan, for my husband, who was shaped and continues to be sharpened by his brothers and sisters, and for my house full of siblings.