I bet you didn't know that I was praying for you when I went into the Mobil station to pay for our gas that Friday night. You stayed in the car with your friends and I could see your laughing faces through the windshield as I walked in.
I prayed with thankfulness that you still like to spend weekends with me. I praised God that you have friends who would think it fun to attend a college symphony concert and friends who think it fun to play in one.
We stopped for gas before we left the campus, and I prayed protection over you as you sat and waited for me in a dark car on a dark night in the city.
There was a group of girls ahead of me in line. Students. Someone's daughters. Smart. Confident. Stylish. And so beautiful. They were polished and fragrant--living sculptures with their smooth skin and perfect nails and loose curls.
And I wanted to cry.
Because out of their mouths tumbled hard words-- ugly, hungry, desperate things. They were brazen in their quest, naming names, setting up strategies for how and where and with whom they would end up that night. Their eyes and their voices matched hard for hard, and I wondered at their lack of shame. No whispers here. No lowered eyes or blushes.
And as if to provide a soundtrack for the moment, some little pop starlet came over the radio with this bit of encouragement, "Yeah it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two. But I can shake it, shake it like I'm supposed to do. 'Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase. All the right junk in all the right places."
And let's just say the song went downhill from there.
Funny how thoughts take so much less time than words. I stood there for maybe five minutes, and it was time enough to imagine those girls as they might have been when they were nine--back when they still had enthusiastic brightness in their eyes and innocence in their smiles. Back when they still had a sense of wonder.
And I pondered the path they took that brought them here, still beautiful girls, but with no modest allure and no mysteries left to uncover. Did they even know they were nakedly exposing themselves to me and everyone else in the gas station--body and soul hung out like cheap cuts of meat in an open market? Did they even care?
What would their nine year old selves think of such a display?
And then I thought is this the "progress" we women have settled for? Is this sort of bawdy display now the pinnacle of female empowerment?
Because it looked like prostitution, except worse since these little girls were just giving it away for nothing. Not only to their casual hook-up partners, but to everyone who wants to eat them up with lustful eyes and foul thoughts as they slink and wiggle and bounce their pretty selves down the street.
I prayed for you, Daughters, because if this is five minutes in a gas station, what is it for you on your college campus every day? How can you stand against the parade of prurience that vomits out of radios and television screens, Kindle ads, movie theaters, magazines, and the faces of smart phones all over the city? Or that which comes out of the mouths of brazen strangers in front of you at the gas station or in Walmart?
From the time you are old enough to care about how you look, there are teen magazines in every doctor's office and grocery store lane urging you to trade in your brain for a tube of lipstick and a pack of birth control pills.
They are written by fork-tongued shrews who say that allowing your body to be romped on and then traded in somehow makes you powerful and deserving of respect.
This is the same "forward thinking" crowd who wrings their hands over glass ceilings and oppressive male patriarchy and the dearth of females pursuing traditionally male roles and careers, then has the gall to turn around and pedal a smorgasbord of glossy teen magazines to impressionable little girls--magazines featuring starving models and pop stars who, incidentally, look like my Barbie collection AFTER my brother worked them over with safety scissors and a Sharpie.
So where in all of this confusion, is the "girl power" these sweet babies are supposed to be wielding? How are they ever supposed to navigate this morass of mixed messages?
I am not a feminist, but I'm embarrassed for the ones that have to go to work every day and churn out the kind of cultural sewage that has pretty much destroyed an entire generation of sweet-faced youngsters.
Take a peek at the offerings for our teen girls. Here's "Teen Vogue" magazine. Here's "Seventeen" magazine Here's "Girls Life" magazine. Here's a popular advice site for teen girls.
That doesn't even scratch the surface of the world's obsession with the surface. Check out the top books and television shows marketed to teens. Check out the music. ( I was going to provide links, but I don't want to give these sites more traffic than they already have. Contact me if you want them.)
Good news, Ladies! Maybe you didn't know this, but all you are required to know for success in life is what shade of eye shadow the stars are wearing and how to kiss a boy and what you "must have" in your college dorm room according to some Hollywood mogul's semi-famous freshman daughter Chloe.
Really?
Is this what little girls are made of?
What virtue is there in knowing what shoes to wear with which handbag?
How do kissing tips help a person develop strength and character?
If a girl is supposed to consume her thoughts with how to get the guy, and then learn sexy tricks for keeping the guy, and then figure out how to know if the guy is cheating, and then develop a strident narrative about how she doesn't need a man to complete her, what time is there for pursuing wisdom and truth and knowledge?
Is this the pinnacle of achievement for young women these days? Getting and keeping a guy?
Where are the big ideas? History? Philosophy? Theology?
Political discussions are there, but mainly limited to the womb--"women's issues" they call it (as if a walking uterus is all we are).
The take home message is this: "You empty-headed ninnies! You vapid, human clothes-hangers! Look! We are selling shiny, slinky things that cost too much, look terrible on real people, and go out of style before they leave the runway. Buy them or be pathetic.
"And also you have full permission to sleep around indiscriminately and kill your babies--as long as you remember to look fashionable while you're doing it!
"But by gum, Girly! If you have any leanings toward traditional marriage or motherhood, you'd best get yourself in line, lest you set back the grim and grisly progress of feminism. "
*******
My friend had a dream one night. She was standing in a public bathroom stall. It was small.
Tight. And every inch of it was covered with oozing layers of human waste--the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the seat, the door--and she didn't even know where to put her hand to escape from the horror.
She thought it was maybe her brain painting a picture for her of how we have to live for a little while here, and I think she was right.
It is just about the best description I have heard, and it captures the feeling of panic I get sometimes over realizing there how pervasive the lies have become...
...and yet I need to remember that the image bearers are not the enemy. Those girls at the gas station are trapped in the bathroom stall too. The trick is to help them see it.
Somewhere beneath the brassy exterior and the raised fist and the celebration of debasement, every wayward person bears the glory of the fingerprint of God.
Sometime, either by accident or by choice, they have bought the lie that the way to freedom lies in servitude to sin.
...That death can be a pathway to life.
...That human pride and the cold, lonely worship of self is better than intimacy with the Divine.
...That a lifetime spent stumbling from pain to hopelessness and back can compare to having a share in the perfect wholeness and healing that comes from surrender to a loving God.
...That fleeting nights spent in selfish arms of strangers could ever fill a heart like the tender embrace of the One who made us and pursues us with a perfect, pure passion.
I guess that is what I wish I could have said to those little girls, so I am saying it now.
Precious Ones, I don't know how one, old mama can hope to speak loud enough to be heard over the strident and seductive culture you are living in, but I am pleading with you. Don't buy the lie.
Remember the infinite price that was paid for you. Your worth is far above rubies and it is not too much to expect to be treated as such by any young man who turns your head.
Pray for your future husband. He is possibly being hunted right now by roving packs of modern females of the wounded and desperate variety. Pray for his protection and for yours. Treat other men the way you would want him to be treated. Wait for him, as you would want him to be waiting for you.
Guard your eyes and ears. The entire culture is screaming at you to live a life of compromise. That will never stop. Friends, Romans, and Countrymen will stand at your door calling evil good and good evil. It is not a matter of hiding in the hills. You are called to live in this time and place, so you will hear it. You will see it.
But you don't have to invite destructive thinking into your heart. You don't have to build it a nest. You can engage it with the word of God, evaluate it with a discerning mind, discuss it with wise companions, sift it, weigh it, and then show evil the door.
But remember you are also made of flesh, and it is only when you acknowledge your inherent weakness that you will seek out the Divine strength you need to overcome temptations, so keep grounded in the Word and on your knees.
I've spoken long, and I am aware that sheer numbers of words do not have the power to change a human heart, so I will just leave mine here to be used or not used as God sees fit.
If there is one thing that being a mother has taught me, it is that I am not as competent or powerful or wise as I thought I was. It has been humbling, and has left me with white hairs on my head, white knees on my jeans, and white knuckles on the dashboard of life as I brace for whatever is coming around the bend.
Whatever comes, I want you to know that as long as I live, I will be praying for you as I did that night--acknowledging that your lives are always in the hands of God even in the dark in the city.
Pleading with Him to turn your young hearts to His truth and light more each day.
And trusting in His ability to complete that which He has begun in you in His perfect timing and tenderness.
I love you,
Mom
7 comments:
You going to write one of these to your sons, too?
Most feminists are pretty disgusted with starving models, barbie dolls, and teen magazines, too.
But they're also disgusted with middle age men who spend an absurd amount of time worrying about the way teenage girls "slink and wiggle and bounce."
Thanks for reading and for your comment. I can let my wife comment as to whether she plans a letter to my sons" as well, but I think most of the time these come up spontaneously. I can assure you, that we emphasize the shared roles of each individual in this household to understand their individual responsibility and to be of a mind to think of others before oneself, as noted in Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves" Just as I tell my children, the misbehavior of other people (the middle aged men referred to in your comment) does not justify or excuse bad choices on the other end.
Further, I am not sure I believe that "most feminists" are disgusted with the hyper-sexualization of our young girls. For many, the only defining feature of a woman/girl is how they can manipulate their sexuality for "power" purposes and this has been a goal for many decades.
I would encourage you to read this article for some added perspective: http://www.frontpagemag.com/2014/mallorymillett/marxist-feminisms-ruined-lives/
I am curious: have you encountered the term "confirmation bias" before? It is the (very human) impulse to look for evidence that confirms our prior conclusions, and to automatically reject information that might challenge those conclusions.
It is tied in to another psychological bias called "anchoring". This is our tendency to accept the first information we encounter and to reject later information, regardless of its actual merit.
What do you think of these principles? How might they relate to the link you provided?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminism
Indeed, I am quite familiar with the terms that you have referenced. I am curious in return, why do you feel that I am accepting "first information" or that either my wife or I have "prior conclusions" that influence our ability or willingness to examine new data or information?
I can tell you that we are well aware of how our worldview influences the conclusions that we come to when presented with certain facts. We endeavor, with diligence, to examine how our own thinking and background influences all the convictions we hold to. However, we are willing to make conclusions and form convictions after examination of facts, and based on the broader concepts of biblical truth.
The real question is whether others are willing to admit their biases as well. Everyone has a worldview. They have preconceived notions of how to respond to information, and biases that can limit their ability to interpret accurately.
One of the real benefits of having an orthodox Christian worldview is that it forces one to accept that we humans are not the end of the matter when it comes to understanding the way that the world is. Being willing to submit to the REVEALED word of God and his prescriptions of what ought to be, effectively takes away a lot of the tendency to give in to our intrinsic biases.
You imply that "confirmation bias" or "anchoring" motivate my providing the link on the RADICAL feminist movement. However, this article contains eyewitness accounts and objective data that can be evaluated dispassionately. Thus, it is not a psychological coping mechanism.
Sure, not all feminists would agree with such radical notions promoted by the groups referenced in the linked article, but the fact remains that many do. Much of what they wanted to occur in "liberating" women from men and breaking down the nuclear family can objectively be verified as having happened in the past 50 years. So, this prompts me to ask, are you not guilty of "anchoring" by deflecting the original focus of this blog from a concern over the sexualization of a generation of young girls to a broad accusation against lascivious middle aged men?
If not to radical feminism, to what would you attribute the breakdown of the nuclear family, the rise in teenage pregnancy, early onset sexual activity among young teens, the proliferation of STD's, the objectification of women, and the general sexualization of the culture? Yes, males have too often and for too long sexually objectified women, but one of the goals of civilization and of culture should be to limit these proclivities, not make them easier to indulge. The latter has occurred with stunning "success" in the past 1/2 century.
So, if a group comes out and says that they hope to achieve a list of certain outcomes (as documented in the article) by a set of means, and then over the next 50 years they successfully do so, how would my observation of it be confirmation bias?
In all sincerity, have you encountered groups of young girls such as my wife did at the gas station? Is this an outcome you would want for one of your daughters? If not, why not? If so, why?
Your letter was beautifully written, and your concerns were poignantly expressed. I have shared it with my own daughter and also with my "daughters of the heart," the girls whom I am mentoring. Your ideas were applicable to our discussion of relationships in "Pride and Prejudice" today. Even the young men in the room said they were impressed with your insight. Thank you for being willing to share your deeply treasured thoughts.
This is lovely. It is clear that you really love your family. The Lord laid it upon my heart to share this with you. I also thought you would enjoy it: http://qideas.org/articles/modesty-i-dont-think-it-means-what-you-think-it-means/
Thanks for reading and for sharing the article. It is very well written and has a number of very good points. I think it emphasizes the very true point that modesty if FAR more than simply what one chooses to wear or adorn themselves with. Wendy Shalit's wonderful book "A Return to Modesty" makes many of the same points. I'm not sure exactly how physical modesty applies to what my wife has written in this blog post, because if you think about it, this is far more about the hunger of one's heart for the things of the world and an immodesty of the soul. Specific application to attire or adornment is really not in view. However, one critique I would have of the article, as well as many other recent articles on this topic, is that it seems to imply that issues related to dress are only "on the man" and that women should feel free to dress as they want without consideration of what impact that may have on others. The writer is quite right that some men will objectify women and girls no matter what they wear, but this does not them mean that such females, particularly if they claim Christ, should dress however they want without any consideration for how such dress will impact their weaker brothers. This line sums up wear she gets it wrong: "Don’t dress for men; dress for yourself."
According to the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2), we should do nothing for ourselves, but consider others more important than ourselves and be willing to serve others, even to the giving of our own life. That is what Christ did on our behalf and we should be willing to do for our Christian brothers and sisters. (Luke 9:23)
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