I don't like things pinging and boinging at me all day. I don't like screens with scrolling headlines at the bottom, rolling comments on the side, and moving pictures in the middle. I don't enjoy typing with my thumbs or swiping with any of my other digits. I like mailing that involves stamps, tweeting that involves birds, and pinning that involves...pins.
It took me 10 years to really master email and I still can't find most of my Word documents. I blunder through my interactions with my laptop. It hates me, and I return the favor by deleting and reformatting and downloading things at random.
I almost cried when Jamey gave me his old Android, and not from joy. THERE ARE NO BUTTONS! My old phone looked like a small typewriter, and that made me happy. This new one has a gaping black hole for a face, and every so often it makes a noise like thunder and throws up a green robot. My dear husband keeps downloading apps for me, and I keep pretending they don't exist. As far as I can tell, they are just roadblocks to successfully dialing a call. As in, "Sorry, Mom. I tried to reach you, but I ended up checking movie times in San Antonio and listening to 12 minutes of iHeart Radio instead."
Perhaps I missed my cue to come on stage in the 19th century. (I am prone to lateness.) Perhaps I am just a terminal fuddy-duddy. Whatever the case, I wanted to be up front with my prejudice on the issue I am about to discuss.
That issue is social media.
Specifically, is Facebook truly a helpful relationship tool? Or is it Satanic? (Oops. That just slipped off the tips of my fingers:) Is texting a leap forward in human communication? Or an evil plot by orthopedic hand surgeons to fund construction on their Maui vacation homes? Will Twitter one day make sentences with more than four words obsolete? Is Pinterest the equivalent of crack cocaine for artsy, suburban women? Should it be on the list of controlled substances? What about video gaming communities? If a man doesn't blink for 27 hours and only his thumbs are twitching, is he alive? And at that point, should his friends be staging an intervention, or planning a funeral?
Will we even know what our friends' faces look like in the near future?
I can see it now. "Sorry...I can't place you...could you show me the top of your head? OH!! Of course! Two bald spots and a patch of gray left of center! We met at that dinner last week, remember? You were texting with your red Galaxy S III? I had the iPhone 5? Here, look at the top of my head! What did you say your handle was again?"
So snarky. So cynical. What exactly is my problem with progress? Do I have feelings of inadequacy stemming from my technological ineptitude? Probably. Am I a little hurt that the world has moved on and left me and 8 tracks and ink pots in the ash heap of history? Not really. I like it here. We have books that smell papery and delicious, we get to write to real people on pretty stationery with actual pens, and we almost never get neck cramps or carpel tunnel.
And anyway, retro is cool right now.
No, after six years of thought, I have concluded that our love affair with electronic eyeballs is truly a moral issue and not just my personal allergy. All human communication is not created equal. Quantity does not equal quality. Frequency does not equal intimacy. Accessibility does not equal knowability.
In other words, medium matters.
This coalesced for me during a recent Advent meditation. I was thinking again about the miracle of presence--of the idea of God coming face to face with humanity. The thought that kept coming back was, "Why"?
With all the available forms of communication available to an omnipotent God, why did he choose to walk with us--first with Adam and Eve in the garden, and then later as the God/man Christ, and then even afterward as the indwelling Spirit? Why not use telepathy or imprinting--or wait until the dawn of the information age and broadcast the message to the whole world via satellite? Mass media is so efficient. Human contact is so time consuming and inefficient. And complicated and messy.
Look what happened with Adam. He had perfect friendship with the Lord of the Universe, and still managed to break the rules and break the relationship. Emotional closeness led to pain for both the Lover and the beloved. Same story with the disciples and their selfishness and bickering, inconsistencies, betrayals, doubt and misunderstanding.
Why would Christ give up heaven to spend thirty-three, heart-rending years with that crowd, day in and day out? Why not just send the message and spare the Messenger? Let the chips fall! Make the case, convincingly lay out the incentives and consequences, and then sit back and see if anyone hits the "like" button, but don't risk actual involvement. Certainly don't put your LIFE on the line. Why would God be that extreme?
The answer that kept coming is the same one that always comes when I am questioning why God does what he does.
Because it is best.
It is best to be eye to eye and skin to skin. It is intimate, arresting, and satisfying in a way that no other mode of communication can match.
How many marriages would thrive on occasional contact via airwaves and images? How close could you be to a child you never saw in person? Who could really know you if their only glimpses into your mind were the carefully staged and filtered comments you made in a public forum? And which of us would ever allow hundreds of "friends" unfettered access to our TRUE selves?
Knowing what your former college roommate had for breakfast does not make you close to her. Reading a tweet about the gory details of her root canal may be interesting and seeing pictures of her kids at their recital may be sweet, but it does not make you friends. It makes you an amused consumer, and it makes her life (the parts she chooses to reveal) part of your entertainment.
Is it possible that Facebook, texting, tweeting--even pinning--satisfies the need to feel connected in some way, but removes the messy vulnerability and emotional entanglements of actual relationships? It asks nothing of me but what I choose to give. I offer my comments on my schedule, at my convenience and people respond (or don't respond) at theirs. It is a real life sitcom which I can follow with the same level of commitment that I might give to an episode of Sesame Street --and the same attention span.
And best of all, it frees me up to pursue the really important things in life. Like my own agenda. No need to stop and linger. Tweet now. I'll think about it later.
Pin your project. I'll look it up at my convenience. Don't make me come over and share in the sweetness of shared creativity.
Send me a scrolling account of your day. If it fits in, I'll take a peek and offer you a virtual pat on the back or the promise of a prayer later on. But don't make me drop everything and meet you in person for an hour of shared intercession. I don't really want to watch you cry into your teacup at my table because then my kid might miss one of his hundred thousand soccer practices.
No thank you on that time consuming give-and-take that happens during an actual conversation over the course of an afternoon or during a shared meal--or even in a voice-to-voice phone call. I'll pass on the opportunity to learn the shades and subtleties of YOU.
The veiled subtext of your body language and posture, the noting and responding to a downcast eye or a quivering voice requires more effort from me than I am willing to give. So send me the Cliffs Notes! And make them funny or I won't hit the like button!
So, who knows you? Really? Who do you let into your home to watch you in your interactions with your family? Who has seen the way you speak to your children and the respect you do or do not offer your spouse? Who do you allow to see your "private" habits and the way you spend your time? Who could come close enough to see what you are not saying when you speak? Who have you allowed to get past the wrapping paper and ribbons and rhetoric of your public persona to the real YOU? Does anyone get to challenge your thinking? Whose heart beats so closely with yours that they can ask the hard questions?
"How is your marriage?"
"When did this parenting struggle begin?"
"Are you being faithful in your commitments?"
"Are you sure your current path is wise? Honorable? Loving?"
What about the gift of being able to watch other families besides your own in their "natural habitat"? Remember when we used to learn from each other? When we took the time to see what people were doing well and made changes in our own lives? What about the value of watching and learning what has not worked for others so that we can try to avoid the same pitfalls?
Our Designer has led us by example here. We are relational beings. He offers the real thing with Himself and with others, but it can only happen when consistent, purposeful time is spent in His word and at His feet--and then at kitchen tables and backyards and front porches, sharing meals and work and conversation.
And real time.
And as usual, the deceiver is right behind Him, offering a shinier, easier, lazier version. Chocolate covered toad. We nibble at first and find the chocolate to be tasty. So we take bigger bites and it goes down so smoothly that we can almost ignore the eyeballs and the prickly feet. And then, before we know it we are horking down great piles of the stuff, to the complete exclusion of real food.
I am not condemning the actual invention of Facebook. It is ingenious. I applaud the mind behind it. But it, like everything invented by God and man, is prone to abuses. And what I am mourning is the permission it grants us to construct the facade of human relationship, without any of the blood and guts. Unfortunately guts, with all their sounds and smells and warnings and workings, are an ugly necessity to real living, my friends. Without them you can only have a statue or a corpse. Not a real life.
Similarly, a living friendship is built through the patient study of the inner workings of another human being (metaphysically speaking:) It is achieved by the tenacity of individuals who will stand by us in loving persistence, face to face, and look and listen until finally we allow ourselves to feel safe and be seen. The masks, inventions, and projections come down. The delicate parts of our souls are revealed. And it satisfies us in the way of all things that are worked for and hard-won.
I am so blessed to have people in my life who are willing to love me like that. They have loved me long after my entertainment value has worn off. They love me through the warp and woof of daily life. Some of them live with me. Some of them see me often in a week. Some of them are far away--and this is where I am grateful for the miracles of technology. But even they come when they can. Face to face. A handful of people who love me a mile deep instead of an inch thick.
I hope I don't come off as part of the "Down with Everything!" crowd. Please don't de-friend me! I use social media from time to time. It has some very good elements. Cute pictures, catchy sayings, etc. And maybe everyone but me is great at growing and nurturing superb physical friendships while at the same time surfing and posting and pinning and tweeting. Let's hope.
I am, however, trying to urge caution. Having observed the tendency among humans (including myself) to see a good thing and gorge themselves sick on it, I am standing on the sidelines in my "Remember the Humans!" t-shirt as an advocate for prudence and moderation. One shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, but neither should a person drink the bathwater and eat the baby. Right?
Middle ground, friends. Find it and build your house on it.
And then invite people to visit you there.
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P.S. I would welcome other insights and opinions on this issue. There must be another side to the story and I would love to hear it. I know my opinions are colored by my natural distrust of new-fangled inventions, and I really do want to be fair. So please, share your thoughts!
I'll be waiting for your text! ;)
4 comments:
Very well written.
We have to be the hands and feet of Christ, for real...
We all need to watch the balance...
This really spoke to me. I don't use the "social media," but I tend to spend more of my time on "tasks" than on meaningful communication--which I figure I will get to when I finish my to-do list--which never happens. Perhaps "social media" can lead some people test the waters of deeper communication. But first, just let me cross off a couple more things from my to-do list...
I've been thinking about and agreeing with much of what you said, but my mind keeps coming back to a friend I have, whom I have never met and likely never will. He is a grown man living with his parents. He has many debilitating emotional and physical issues which keep him a virtual prisoner in his house. I know this is a special case, but I am thankful that he is able to have meaningful friendships with people online. Not many, he is not that kind of a person, and not likely on facebook, but he is able to take advantage of the online community to have meaningful communications with his fellow human beings that his conditions prevents him from otherwise having. A small bright spot in the overwhelmingly impersonal communications we have been tending towards in our computer driven age.
Oops - forgot to mention that it is because of the absence of eye contact, body language, and just the feeling of nearness of another person that my friend, who is likely on the autism spectrum, is able to open up and have these connections with other people.
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