As usual, my reach exceeded my grasp when it came to getting Christmas letters out. For those whose letters are still sitting in a box on my desk, here is what you would have gotten! It comes digitally with best wishes for a wonderful year, and hopes that 2015 will find me organized enough to get to the post office on time. (One can always hope:)
Christmas Greetings! December 2014
This week, Jamey and
I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. To mark the occasion, we went back to
Hillsdale College for a few days to walk around the campus and reminisce on our
days there and all that has happened in our lives since then.
Oddly enough, we both felt as if the young
boy and girl who met there on the volleyball court during exam week were
strangers we once knew, or people we had observed for a while—not
ourselves. We are such different people
now!
Neither of us could have predicted
the journey we have taken through the birth or adoption of seven children, numerous
moves and job changes, the joys of seeing our siblings marry and start families
of their own, the sorrows of sickness and death in ones we love, and the
stretching that comes from gradually realizing how little control we actually
have over any of the events our lives.
We
have come to see that life is much less about arranging and controlling our
circumstances, than it is about reacting well to them. This is a good lesson, and we are glad to be
learning it together!
I
hope this doesn’t seem like a melancholy start to a Christmas letter. It isn’t intended to be! I just think that it is beautiful how the
good and the bad, and the planned and the unexpected, the seasons of joy and
seasons of sadness can all be used as instruments of growth and change in our
lives.
Neither Jamey nor I would change
places with our younger selves, and although we have not loved every lesson the
past two decades has taught us, we are grateful for the way God has used those
years to help us know Him better.
One of the things that has stretched Jamey over
the past seven years has been waiting…and waiting…and waiting for a partner for the pediatric side
of his practice.
Pediatric
rheumatologists are as rare as hen’s teeth to begin with, and many larger
practices in areas with much nicer weather have a tendency to snap them up
quickly, so it has been very difficult to recruit someone to help relieve Jamey
of his backlog of patients and the burden of continuous call. But the wait is finally over! Jamey’s new partner arrives this August, and
we couldn’t be more thrilled about that.
Kaiden especially has thrived being at home this year. It was difficult for him to navigate the social pressures of a traditional school setting with all the complicated emotions he was working through due to his years in foster care.
Now he is able to focus on academics in a safe, predictable setting, and we can satisfy his social needs in outside activities. I feel so blessed to be able to give this gift to him! He is really coming to peace with himself, and we are grateful for this milestone.
As a family, we are fresh off the drama of three years of foster care, which culminated in the adoption last December of our youngest two children—Kaiden and his sister, Keira.
Many people assume that this type of closure would very quickly translate into a nice, new normalcy. And it does--to some extent. We have more peace. We have a calmer schedule. We have a less complicated rotation of upsetting people in the lives of our children, but we also have had the shock of taking a breath and realizing that this is now another life-long commitment, for better and for worse, no matter what that looks like for the next...forever.
Now that everyone is starting to feel safe with one another, there are layers of resentment and hurt which are surfacing from older children whose needs were put on the back burner for a long, long time.
For instance, one daughter told me recently that from time to time she wishes we were just "normal" because sometimes she gets tired of hearing about “extra patience” and “trauma backgrounds”, and sometimes she doesn't want to try to navigate any more out-of-proportion outbursts or patiently wait for developmental milestones to be reached. In her words, it is "the kind of good thing that is also tiring and frustrating." Well said!
It doesn't help to tell her that some "normal" families have those issues too because it wouldn't change the road she is now walking. In the process of helping our newest children discover what it means to be Birminghams, we are still uncovering pockets of uncertainty in their hearts.
Sometimes there is anger, and there is the tricky dance of keeping their birth mom involved but not too involved, and a new half-sister they have never met. (Should they spend time with her? Will they grow confused if I allow too much access or resentful if I do not allow enough? How do I know where those lines are?)
There is no instruction book for some of these issues! We are grateful for the strong and loving support of our church, friends, and extended families on this journey, and for the constant reminders of our need for grace, patience, and forgiveness from one another and from God.
Adoption isn't a happy ending. It is a redemptive beginning to a sad ending. It is a place of promise where the real work of love and commitment begins. Most of all, it is a picture of God’s redemption of us, and that is what makes it beautiful! Despite the challenges, we are so grateful for it!
Rebekah (age 19) and Christina (age 16) continue to bless our hearts with their cheerful spirits and their generous and gentle hearts. Rebekah is in her second year of college, working toward a music therapy degree.
Through word-of-mouth she has been able to earn a fairly steady income playing her harp at various private venues. I am proud of the reputation she has gained among her professors, classmates, and employers. Most of all, I am thankful for the sweet affection she lavishes on her brothers and sisters.
Christina is in her junior year and a Challenge III student in the Classical Conversations program. She has a million interests, among them being photography, furniture restoration, hair styling, drawing, writing, and music (she plays viola in the Grand Rapids Youth Symphony and dabbles in piano, saxophone, guitar, and flute for fun). It will be fun to see where she takes those passions! I am thankful for her work ethic and her interest in people and her inquisitive spirit.
Elijah (age 12), and Isaiah (age 9) are navigating that stage between the fun-and-games of childhood and the pull of manly adulthood. Lately I have seen such a desire in Elijah to be a responsible young man, to do right, and to be honorable—and yet there is that temptation to take off and join the little boys in their fun and games.
He is taking more pride in his school work and loves to spend the day with Jamey at the office whenever he can. I am thankful for his sensitive heart (he isn’t so thrilled about it at this point, but someday he will be:) He has a tender heart toward animals and people, and more and more towards God as well.
Isaiah is bursting with ideas and energy and words. He scavenges through trash bins looking for “things I can make other things with”. He also can be found looking under beds and between couch cushions, combing the creek bed, and trolling the woods for “treasures”.
Right now his bookshelf contains several elaborate Lego creations of his own design (instructions? Never!), several empty plastic bottles, a tin can (which he keeps rescuing after I have personally thrown away at least three times), two corks, a cardboard tube, some toothpicks, and random scraps of paper and tinfoil folded into planes or boats.
My dad brought down an ancient lawnmower for Isaiah to dismantle when the weather gets a little warmer. I’m interested to see what he will make out of that! I’m thankful for Isaiah’s sense of humor and his keen observations about life, as well as for his generous hugs and ready smile.
Kaiden and Jude (a.k.a. “The Twins”) are both seven years old right now, which means they are old enough to understand a most of what I explain to them (good), but still young enough to say hilarious things without meaning to (even better:). I laugh at them regularly without them knowing it! One recent drama involved Jude stomping in from outside resolving never to play football with Kaiden again.
“You always tell me I get to run the ball first TOMORROW,” wailed Jude, “but I figured out that it is never going to be tomorrow.”
“Yes it is!” replied Kaiden, “Tomorrow it will be tomorrow.”
“Oh, OK,” said Jude with a thoughtful expression, “Last one out is a rockin’ egg!”
Problem solved! And out they went:) I am thankful for their camaraderie, for their interest in bugs and frogs and fish, for the opportunity to have them nestled up on either side of me every day, reading and being read to.
Keira (age 5) is breaking through her limitations right and left! She is speaking more clearly all the time. She is able to make letters and identify numbers and shapes and colors. She loves to sing and dance and play with her brothers.
She talks about God all the time, thanking Him for every little thing (her prayers are long and VERY detailed!), and she has perfect faith in His ability to care for her—as she should! (As we all should.) I am thankful for her spunk and her sense of adventure. I am thankful for her bright eyes and sweet smile and for her impish sense of humor.
Above all, I am thankful for a God who leads us gently through trials and hardships and green pastures alike. I am thankful for a God who loved us enough to enter in to our sorrows and fears, becoming a little baby, a sinless man, and eventually an innocent sacrifice in our place.
He knows us and made Himself known to us! That is the greatest gift we could ever hope to receive. May you experience the joy of His presence in a fresh way this year.
As always, our door is open for visits from family and friends (It is also usually left hanging open for escaping dogs, curious cats, and random wildlife as well, but that is another story;) Please stop by and stay awhile!
Blessings to you and yours! Much love from all of us~~The Birminghams
******************
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His
only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have
eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to
judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.…” John 3:16-17
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