It has been so for a decade at least, which means that some of the residents of the Birmingham household were born into that reality and the others have had ample time to adjust to the expectation.
This may be why I am always surprised by the looks of dismay and incredulity which greet me each week when I start passing out the necessary buckets, brooms, and bags.
After the shocked expressions dissipate, it is as predictable as clockwork that the housecleaning which does occur will be punctuated by frequent intervals of squabbling, dawdling, procrastinating, prevaricating, disappearing, loss of hearing, and slap-dashery.
Funny. The work part takes my kids by surprise, but everyone seems to fall into his/her role in the chaos that follows my announcement.
Even funnier than that is the fact that this reality takes me by surprise.
Every. Single. Week.
How else do I explain the unfounded optimism with which I meet each Saturday morning?
"We could be done by noon and go to the pumpkin patch/have a bonfire/take a bike ride/go sledding/have a picnic at the lake!"
"If everyone works hard, I should have time to...plant my garden, catch a nap, read a book, work on one of a thousand projects."
No.
No, Sandra. Let's go over this again. These people do not generally accomplish their work in a timely manner, being otherwise engaged in such things as wrestling in piles of clean clothes (folding laundry), bopping each other with pillows (changing sheets), arguing over the spray bottle (cleaning windows), chasing the dog with the broom (sweeping), and playing tug-of-war with a wet rag (mopping).
I also have several roving children whose self-appointed task it is to critique and micro-manage the rest of their siblings who, it turns out (shock!) don't seem to care for destructive criticism.
Then there are the magicians, who disappear from the work site and magically reappear in bathrooms and closets with Calvin and Hobbes books in tow.
There are Pied Pipers leading stray members of the crew to join them outside, or in the pantry, or by the Lego bin.
And there is the Press Corp, who scramble to be the first to report to me on the shoddy work and/or deplorable working conditions found among their fellow citizens.
I say this not to rat out my kids. Honestly, not everyone is goofing off or checking out at the same time. It is just that I have enough people in my house to pretty much ensure that someone, somewhere in my house is sinning or being sinned against at any given moment.
Fifteen years into this parenting gig, I should know that to be the case, and also know that my first job is not to achieve a clean house, by hook or by crook, but to disciple the hearts under my care by modeling hard work, responding to interruptions with patience, mediating disputes with grace, bearing with the weaknesses of my young brethren, instructing wayward hearts with wisdom and covering all things with the love of Christ.
Because this endeavor involves people, it isn't going to be an exercise in efficiency, and if I expect it to be, I am likely to become an angry steamroller instead of a nurturer of hearts.
After last Saturday, two things come to mind:
1) If I come to any activity or interaction which involves other human beings with efficient job completion done to my personal specifications as the primary goal, I will likely not end up dealing with people in an entirely Christlike manner.
Cleaning my house is a worthy goal, but should not ever be placed ahead of the needs for discipleship which arise in the process. As Colossians 3:12 says, "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."
That is, toward people, not toward my agenda.
2) We all bring certain limitations and blind spots to the table. If we know a person any length of time, their limitations will become evident. As Christians, we are called to deal with one another as we'd want to be dealt with. Romans 15:1-2 reminds us, "We who are strong ought to bear with the shortcomings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.…"
How unfair it is to know that a person struggles in a certain area and then add the burden of my expectations to them!
If I know that child "A" is consistently tempted to go AWOL during a work project and then, because I want an efficient and interruption-free work day, I leave him completely unsupervised with only a few verbal instructions for accountability, then I'd better not act surprised when I come back in two hours to find nothing has been done.
If my spouse struggles to notice that his socks have fallen off in the middle of the bathroom floor--and he has for 20 years--why in the world would I pull out my indignation every morning of my life instead of covering his oversight with the same sort of grace I would want applied to me?
If there are church members who lack tact or friends who consistently disappoint me in one area or another, why would I waste my time fretting and stewing over their deficiencies instead of focusing on the good things they bring to my life?
I'm not saying we shouldn't try to sharpen one another and "spur one another on to love and good works", but the temptation is to become so focused on how the people around you have failed to meet your expectations that you miss the small beauties of what they do well.
Especially with my children, I am called to bring them up in nurture and admonition. I am not to exasperate them.
For my scatterbrained guys, that might be not barking out six commands when their heads can only hold one instruction at a time.
For those who are tempted to shirk, it means slowing myself down enough to become consistent accountability for them.
For complainers, it means modeling gratitude. For instigators, it means pulling them closer so that they will not be tempted beyond what they can bear. For fault finders, it means being an example of encouragement--and being willing to stop my work long enough to help them mend relationships whenever they have fractured them.
In my Saturday cleaning, I was given a smorgasbord of struggles--a feast of human frailties, including my own--and with it, a window into grace.
Grace of the kind I am given on a daily basis by my gentle Father, who loves me with great patience, disciplines me with love, and waits for my heart to respond to His kind correction.
How can I offer any less to my children than He offers to His?
**************
1 Thessalonians 5:14
"And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone."
Galatians 6:1-2, 9-10
"Brothers, if someone
is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a
spirit of gentleness. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ...
...Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest, if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith."
1 comment:
You have a beautiful family and I loved your insights. Keep writing - it's very encouraging. :) (Lynn)
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