The Truth About Tantrums

We don't have as many tantrums at our house as we used to, so when one occurs I am usually able to look at it less emotionally and deal with it more effectively than I did when they were being lobbed at me like random air strikes multiple times a day.  

 Recently, however, for old times sake one of my kids launched into a vigorous, vocal protest over something.  As I walked down the hall toward the sound of screaming I thanked God that I was able view the situation so calmly.  I was serene in my resolve.  My face didn't get red.  My throat didn't constrict.  My heart didn't race.  

It was more like the response I sometimes have when I notice a fat fly on the windowsill, and less like when I find a fat mouse in the silverware drawer.  

Watching my little one flop and scream on the floor, I clearly saw the tender, firm, decisive course of action I would take with my tiny tyrant, and I began to congratulate myself on my calm, disciplined reaction.  (It takes so little to make us proud of ourselves! :)

And then, as so often happens in my parenting, I suddenly got the uncomfortable sensation that I was watching myself.  


In fact, I am firmly convinced that the reason God gives us toddlers for a few years is to gift us with  vivid demonstrations of how most of us would live our whole lives if left to ourselves.  

If you have ever seen a three year old take a position on--oh, let's say bedtime, you know what I am talking about.  

A parent can explain the obvious logic of taking a few hours out of the sandbox for a little shut-eye.

 It can be pitch black outside.  The child himself can be doing head-bobs and eye-rubs.  The rest of his siblings can be tucked in and snoring in front of him.  The negative consequences of defying the parental mandate are both clearly laid out and fresh in his memory, and yet somehow this small bundle of nascent logic will plant his feet, cross his arms, and die on that hill like a small, screaming Braveheart.   Without the blue paint. 

At that moment the strength of his convictions are such that he would rather lose everything dear to him than surrender that tiny piece of worthless ground.

Can you not think of two or three adults who are living like that right now?  Have you not lived there once or twice yourself?

Such is our capacity for self-deception!  Such is the weak strength of human logic. Such is our need for something outside ourselves to bring us back from our own destructive tendencies, to point us to truth, and to hold us there. 

The Bible even says as much.  Proverbs 28:26a  "Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe."

Or 1 Corinthians 1:25, "For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."


Or how about Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked."

Or Mark 7:21 "For from within, out of the human heart, come evil ideas, sexual immorality, theft, murder."

 The only way to escape the trap of our own willful blindness is to follow hard after Christ.  He is the creator and dispenser of wisdom, and the fear of Him plants the seeds of it within us. (Proverbs 9:10)

The way to grow in wisdom is to learn to love the truth as found in His word.  Psalm 119:104-105 says, "From Your precepts I get understanding; Therefore I hate every false way. Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path."

How do I learn to hate false ways?  By knowing and loving God's precepts.  Is there another way?  Not according to Him.  

How do I keep my way pure?  "By guarding it according to your word." (Psalm 119:9)  Is there another way?  Nope.

How long does this process take?  Only until you no longer need to breathe.  "Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life."  Proverbs 4:23  

Not just one time.  Not even once in a while, but with all diligence.  

It is a constant, conscious re-aligning of the heart from the moment of salvation to last breath, because the willful spirit--that relentless old man--is tugging against God and truth the entire time, like some sort of mangy, diabolical hyena.  

Galatians 5:17 says, "For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please."

Romans 7:18 states, "For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."


I think this is why so often our enemy doesn't have to work very hard to defeat us.  He isn't trying to convince us to do something we really, fundamentally don't want to do.  In fact sin is usually more like a whisper and a nudge than a finger in the face or a hard push.  

We're just waiting for an excuse to throw down our blankie and paci and defy heaven, and Satan is happy to encourage us in that direction.   

On our own, we humans inevitably seem to swing from truth and balance to lies and extremes.  And then, like toddlers we try to convince ourselves that our extreme positions are, in fact, balanced.  

You see this in the culture.  You see it in the church.  You probably see it in your own family.  

And if you don't see it in yourself, you should, because the rest of us do and we're just too scared to tell you;)

The truth is, we never really outgrow our need for  constant, close, and careful supervision.  And redirection.  And discipline.  

Our earthly father and mother are given to us to help us learn to look up, to listen, and to obey, but we never mature past our need to be parented.  

God's plan is that our earthly parents would lead us to Him, teach us to follow Him as they do, and eventually help us to fully transfer the mantle of their authority onto the one and only perfect Parent, our Heavenly Father. 

And then live under it.

The arrogance of a five year old informing me about her new vision for bedtime is much like our human arrogance in informing God about our new vision for gossip or gluttony or sex.   

Contrary to what I might insist during one of my spiritual "protests", ignoring God's word is not a sign of maturity.  

Stepping outside the parameters established for me by the one who created me, loves me more than anyone, and has perfect knowledge of what is best for me does not demonstrate forward thinking.  

Thumbing my nose at God's law does not prove my creativity, or open-mindedness, or superior reason, or massive intellect any more than my child's tantrum proved to me that kids don't need sleep.  

As usual, I am writing this to myself--and for my children.  

Dear ones, you are growing up in leaps.  Someday you won't throw tantrums in your bedroom anymore, but you will likely have them in your heart.  I won't see them, but God will and I will be praying you will let Him love you out of your fits before you hurt yourself or someone else.

Because you need Him.

You need Him like you needed me when you were two years old and trying to wander into the creek.  

You need Him like you needed me to hold you until you finally stopped fighting me and relaxed into my arms. 

You need Him like you needed me to help you see your worth and beauty.

You and I both need Him to save us from ourselves.

And someday when I am no longer here to pick you up off the floor and dry your tears and bring you to my heart, I hope that you will still reach up.

*******************

1 John 3:1

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

 

Isaiah 40:11

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Psalm 31:19

Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!