Forgiving...and Forgetting I Forgave

"Forgive our sins as we forgive" you taught us, Lord, to pray;

but you alone can grant us grace to live the words we say.

How can your pardon reach and bless the unforgiving heart

that broods on wrongs and will not let old bitterness depart?

In blazing light your cross reveals the truth we dimly knew,

what trivial debts are owed to us, how great our debt to you.

Lord, cleanse the depths within our souls and bid resentment cease.

Then, bound to all in bonds of love, our lives will spread your peace.
 

The words to this hymn are sobering.  Silencing.

Why, why, why is this so hard?  

Why can't it be "forgive the ones who feel bad after they hurt you"?  Or "forgive the ones you like"? 

 Even "forgive the ones who don't keep doing the same exact thing to you over and over and over" would be easier to swallow.

But "forgive as you have been forgiven" is the standard, and we MUST live by it.  

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." Romans 12:14

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  Colossians 3:13

And then, of course, Psalm 103

^"8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,    so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

I am talking to myself here. 

Home again early from Bible Study, I was reading Matthew 18, feeling as convicted as I could possibly be about the two square inches of forgiveness I possess for certain people.  

Big people.  Tiny people.  It doesn't matter.

Once offended, my inclination is to offer up a pardon the size of a postage stamp and tell the offender to, "Stick it anywhere you want.  Hope it covers, cuz that's all yer gonna git". 

 Stingy and incomplete and unacceptable, my dear Mrs. Birmingham! 

We have each heard a sermon or twelve about how Peter came to the Lord, feeling all generous with his offer to forgive "seven times" and gets told, "Nope, Buster.  It's infinity times.  And not only that, if you don't, you will be judged with the measure you use on others." (my own paraphrase;)

Oh, mercy!


I pretty much have to preach this message to myself on an ongoing basis because it is something I stink at.   

Can you really have forgiven someone if you say it and act like it, but you don't feel like you have inside?

Is it enough to say, "I forgive you", while you are still crying and wishing you could run out of the room?  

When does it count?  

And here is another question.  Could the "seventy times seven" be for just one offense?  

Because what happens to me (to my shame and horror) is that sometimes I will really FEEL like I have buried the offense.  Given it to God!  Freed my soul!  Prayed the prayers and believed the Word and I am ready to love again with my whole being.  Nothing held back!  I go to bed with rainbows and butterflies and unicorns holding hands and singing Kum Ba Ya in my soul...

...and the next morning at breakfast the old grudge shows up--with bed head and bad breath, gettin' all up in my face.  

What's this?  There has been no new offense!  This one was supposed to be dead!  I was at the funeral!  I danced on its grave!  Remember the five verses of Kum Ba Ya I sang???

So why is it sitting at my table?
  
And how do I get rid of it...again?

And if it is here, what did I really bury?

Is there such a thing as serial forgiveness for an offense that is only "mostly-dead"?  

Does the fact that I can't make forgiveness stick, mean I don't really understand grace?

I don't know the Greek in the original Matthew 18 passage well enough to decipher whether Christ is commanding Peter (and all of us) to forgive a million sins committed by one brother, or one sin that repeats itself a million times (either in reality or mental replay).  Or both.   

But here is what I know.

I know Whom I have believed.

I know that He who began a good work in me "will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ."  Philippians 1:6

I know "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

I know that Christ has said," My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 

And so I can say with the Apostle Paul, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

Because I am like the 10 month old, who gets her legs for two seconds and decides to let go of Daddy's finger and start dancing in the end zone.  

We've all seen how that ends.  

The baby lands in a heap.  A look of shock and amazement flits across her face.  She tears up.  Looks up.  Reaches up.  And with her Daddy's help, gets up. 

  Maybe in another couple months (or years?), I'll have the faith and strength to take a couple more steps toward permanently squelching unforgiveness. 

For now, I seem to need every crutch, every reminder, every song and story and Scripture verse I can scratch together to help me keep its ugly mug away from my breakfast table every morning.

Baby steps...

My Lament...

I am sitting here before this glowing screen, contemplating what is in all likelihood the end of what was at one time a truly amazing country.  Trying to make some sense of it all.  This was a country that used to believe that liberty was among the highest and noblest of things we could strive and fight for.  A country which believed that very freedom, coupled with a deep sense of moral responsibility, would provide the greatest opportunity for the greatest number of people, and those people who did achieve great things would be able to bless others and expand opportunity for others.  We witnessed this this first hand as our country became the most prosperous in the history of the world and one of the greatest forces for freedom and good throughout the world.  Not that we were without faults, but the success of this experiment in liberty and limited government undeniably brought unprecedented results. 

Instead, we now move further and further down the path to big government dependency, with our lives ever more in the hands of a precious few who will dictate to us how we should live.  I still can not grasp why would anyone believe that those select few individuals would be better suited to fight and advocate for our best interests than an individual, or even local institutions and municipalities, would.  Why would so many willingly choose a false sense of security over the lure of great opportunity that comes from freedom, though admittedly mixed with some degree of risk?  Is it because the people of this great country became so risk averse that they would willingly subjugate themselves to the highest bidder, as long as they had promised to "provide" for them?

So then I thought, well yes, this is exactly what people naturally seem to do when they have lived under prosperity and freedom for so long.  When the people have no other perspective upon which to judge their lives, they fall prey to the thinking that this is simply the way that life has always been, so this is how it will always be.  They don't cherish freedom and prosperity because they have never had to fight for it.  As Thomas Paine had said: "What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value."  It has been all too easy in this nation for our people to reap the rewards of those who came before.  This steady decline was predicted, and warned against, by so many of our founding fathers (and early American observers like Alexis de Tocqueville) and I suspect they knew that even if they were successful in their venture, that the Republic would always exist on a razors edge. 

Human beings have too often traded the higher things for lesser things that seemed more secure.  This was a pattern repeated often in the Old Testament.  God had warned the people of Israel not to take a king or they would be under oppressive tyranny, having their goods and their loved ones taken from them (1 Samuel chapter 8).  God wanted His people to rely on Him, not on the apparent security of a king.  However, they rejected His call and did as they wanted, ultimately paying dearly for their choice.  1 Sam 8:18 "And in that day you will cry out because of your king, whom you have chosen for yourselves, but the LORD will not answer you in that day."

Now, I don't want to act as if I have some special insight as to what God may be trying to tell us now, in our day.  However, I do know that He remains the same from age to age and from kingdom to kingdom.  His principles stand, even when His people reject them.  I am convinced that this country was founded on a Biblical understanding of mankind and our need for reliance upon God, and it has been our abdication of His sovereign hand that will lead (or is already is leading) to our desolation.  Although I don't pretend to be His prophet, I do know it would be very foolish to think that we can abandon His principles and not face judgement.  I don't want to get into all the myriad ways we have turned away from God, but as a small sampling our turn can be seen in the absolute breakdown in the family (divorce, single parenthood, cohabitation, same sex marriage, etc), the widespread loose morals (gambling, pornography, violence, and so on), and the unbelievable abortion holocaust; these issues simply scratch the surface and do not even speak of the ways that the Church of God has rejected its role to be salt and light in this world.  

Even as I pray for an overwhelming revival among God fearing people in this land, it is my fear that it will not come.  There are times when the people harden their hearts, plug their ears, and shut their eyes to what is going on all around them.  It is my belief we live in one of those times.  God will not be mocked indefinitely, and although He continues to offer a way of salvation, and is ever patient with a rebellious people, His offer is often given with the foreknowledge that the message may be ignored and that judgement will someday come. 

I will conclude with this verse from the prophet Isaiah, which should serve as a sobering warning to all those willing to hear it.  Now understand, these words were not written to the USA in 2012, but the principle of rejecting God's word and His standards still applies.  Since God still sits upon His throne and He will bring down those who reject His ways, we may get a glimpse into the judgement of God, and we should tremble before the One who truly holds kings and kingdoms in His hand. 

Isaiah 6:9-12  "...“Go and tell this people: ‘Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving, Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.” Then I said, “For how long, O Lord?” And he answered: “Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitant, until the houses are left deserted and the fields ruined and ravaged, until the Lord has sent everyone far away and the land is utterly forsaken."

-- Jamey

Sing a Song of Siblings

Oh, the benefits of siblings!  

They are always there to disabuse you of the notion that you are the king of the universe.  

They sharpen your ability to follow six conversations at once.  

They know you better, love you better, entertain you better, and sanctify you better than anyone else on earth.  

You get to learn how to accept constructive (and destructive) criticism.  

You get to learn how to hear your secrets told in public and your embarrassments rehashed--and embellished--at family gatherings.  

You learn how to wait for the bathroom and how to overlook other people's laundry piles at the foot of your bed.  

You have a built in cheering section at every event and milestone of your life.  

You have shoulders to cry on and lean on, opponents and teammates for every sport, and scapegoats to take the blame for your brilliant ideas that should never have been tried in real life.  

With a houseful of "concerned" siblings, you can't get away with anything long enough for it to become a bad habit.  

Someone's always got your back, someone is always by your side--and someone is always out front, running to tell Mom what you did.  

You are sharpened by listening to the older ones, and entertained by listening to younger ones.  

You learn to die to your desires and serve others, and you get blessed by the loving service of others. 

Siblings give you great advice.  

And sometimes terrible advice.  

They use your shampoo and eat your candy stashes and forget to put the seat down.  

Brothers bring wild animals into the house and sometimes when you open a  container from the fridge, there is a mixture of  bugs, acorns, and dirt instead of yogurt.  But it is fun to hear boys laugh and they are the best at making leaf piles.  

Sisters fog up the bathroom with clouds of perfume and take 40 minute showers.  But they know what to do about scraped knees and they are always willing to make cookies.

More siblings means more birthday cake.  

Younger ones look up to you with awe.  Older ones look down upon you with affection...and sometimes irritation--especially when you use their toothbrushes or color on their stuff.  

You get to share bedrooms and food and toys and space in the backseat and clothes that you grow out of. 

 And colds.  

You learn when to hold your tongue and when to say your piece...and how to apologize afterward.  

You get hugged more.  

You learn how to read minds and moods.  

Siblings teach you how to handle being yelled at sometimes, and what to do when people cry in front of you.  

You learn how to help someone who is hurt, and how to overcome being hurt.  

You learn to clean up messes you didn't make, turn off lights you didn't turn on, turn a blind eye to piles you didn't create, and mop and sweep and fold and flush and wash and plunge and wipe down and polish and fix things out of love for the people who share your space. 

Because that is what best friends do, and I have never seen better friends than the ones that call themselves brother and sister.  

So grateful for my brother, Dan, for my husband, who was shaped and continues to be sharpened by his brothers and sisters, and for my house full of siblings.