The difference was that she was confined to her van, attached to a movable IV of some sort, watching her son live his small victories and defeats on the ball field with her head leaning back against the seat and tubes running into one of her thin arms.
She isn't there this year. Whether that is because her son is not playing, or because she is no longer here to root him on, I don't know, but the remembrance of her (and the arrival of Mother's Day) started me thinking about the gift of motherhood, and the way it is so easy to under-value it while we are in the middle of it.
Even those of us who truly feel fulfilled by the calling, can be prone to exhaustion, exasperation, irritation, and aggravation. It is easy to feel overwhelmed by the unrelenting needs of little ones, but as with so much else in this world, the small beauties of everyday life can best be felt under the keen awareness of their transience.
Even if these years are not cut short through illness or death, they are still brief and precious, and I want to remember that with gratitude WHILE I am in the trenches--not afterward with regret.
And so, in honor of Mothers Day, and in remembrance of the mother whom I saw pushing so hard against illness and weakness for the sake of her boy, I am publicly giving thanks for the ministry of motherhood.
And not just for the warm, fuzzy parts.
I want to grow gratitude for the hard things, the repetitive things, the annoying things, the messy and disruptive things, the discouraging things, and the things that reveal to me the depth of my own selfishness.
To that end, over the next week or so, I am going to be posting segments of a sermon written by the Reverend James Cameron, and delivered over 150 years ago for the benefit of the mothers in his congregation.
It can be found in its entirety in a book called Mothers of the Wise and Good , but I have wanted to re-write it in slightly updated language for my daughters to read.
It is the hardest-hitting, most encouraging, "calling out" I have ever encountered for moms. If it seems insulting or impossible, then maybe you are more sanctified than I am--or perhaps you don't have enough kids;)
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"On the Qualifications Essential to the Discharge of Maternal Duties"
or
How to be a Good Mom
Part 1
If you want to train up your children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), you need to bury the idea that you are sufficient to the task.
Because you're not.
In fact, you need to "cultivate a deep and abiding sense of your own insufficiency."
***Side note: Happy Mother's Day, y'all! I told you this is a whuppin', but don't worry. Truth sometimes stings before it sings:)***
I probably don't need to say much to convince you of the fact of your unsuitedness for the job. If you have ever looked into the eyes of a little child and reflected on the magnitude of your responsibility, you are probably ready to ask, "Who could ever accomplish this task?"
Your job is to take the little souls in your home and train them for the glory of God--all the time wrestling with the same sinful nature in yourself that you are trying to help them overcome.
But as you watch them struggle with selfishness, anger, greed, deceitfulness, etc, you realize that you are struggling inside your self with the very same things.
You have all the weakness of fallen humanity. You are subject to all its temptations. Your own spirit requires constant watching.
Your own wayward heart is continually straining at its boundaries, and so even as you are trying to be a living picture of patience, grace, and holiness for your children to follow--even as you are trying match your daily living to your daily speeches--your own spirit wages war against you, and your failings call you a liar before your sons and daughters.
You are not up for this.
And if EVER you become self-sufficient, be warned. You will labor in vain because God has said that he "resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."(James 4:6)
Why am I being so negative? Am I trying to sink you into despair? Make you throw up your hands in defeat?
Never! I want the enormity of the the task to drive you into the arms of the Savior. I want the poverty of your human wisdom and the magnitude of your weakness to cause you to cast yourselves on the God of ALL wisdom and ALL strength.
He is waiting to lavish you with His riches. Listen to His promises!
"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31
God knows that you are not fit for the job on your own. He is waiting to grant you His fitness, His strength, His success--if you will ask and then trust Him to teach you His ways.
Picture a four year old child who wants to make a gourmet, five-course meal, but refuses the help of a master chef. Even in a kitchen full of the shiniest implements and the finest of ingredients, her efforts are not likely to amount to much if she goes it alone.
How much better for her to work with the one who knows how to get her where she wants to go!
Unfortunately, the natural unwillingness of the human heart to turn to God and to trust only in Him means that often we must be driven to His feet by our obvious failures and frustration.
Once you are standing in the ruins of your own efforts--like the little one in the kitchen crying over her broken bowls and the burns on her hands and the spills on the floor--your heart will be more willing to cling to Him in child-like dependence.
The reality is that all power, all wisdom, and all blessings are from Him, and that without Him, every effort is in vain.
"The absolute helplessness and moral impotence of fallen man is one of the most important lessons we can be taught; but alas! it is one of the most difficult for proud human nature to learn."
The Holy Spirit will teach you, if you are willing. The blessing within the pain, is that once you see your own utter helplessness, you have a God who is waiting to equip you lavishly with all you need to overcome it.
Again, I beseech you (the 19th century lingo is so much more poetic:) let this sense of insufficiency grow in you to the point of becoming part of the fabric of your mind. Only then will you be kept in the lowest levels of self-distrust, determined to keep a vice-grip on the sufficiency of Christ. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
The mingling of a deep sense of insufficiency and a strong confidence in God will give you the best chance of helping your children to bear lovely fruit.
Because your sense of insufficiency will make you cautious, tender, watchful, prayerful.
And your confidence in God will give courage to your soul and strengthen you to grapple with the difficulties you will face.
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Happy Mother's Day! And many thanks to my dear family, who made mine so special. I love you all--
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