Preaching What I Want to Practice

Or "How to Be a Good Mom, Part 3--Consistency"

Disclaimer:  I want to be clear that the following words are what I WANT to do, but reality has often been something quite different. 

And I am not just being humble, or fishing for "Oh, stop it, Sandra!  You are actually awesome at everything" type comments.  

I am pleading for wisdom and grace in this area because I just can't seem to catch everything I need to catch--in myself and in my children-- in order to be as consistent in my discipleship as I NEED to be.  

Certain little ones are taking advantage of that fact and laying down bad habits and attitudes.  Others are, I think, losing respect for the fact that my standards and my practice don't always line up as they should. 

So this section is painful to re-write because it is particularly convicting right now, and although the words are on my blog, I am sitting under the admonition as much as anyone else.  

Far from pounding the pulpit, I am cringing in the pew.  

OK.  Here goes...

3.  In all you do, you must demonstrate relentless consistency.

The old saying "actions speak louder than words" is so common as to be trite and easily dismissed.

But it contains a hard truth that is critical for parents to understand.  

Your children, even from a very early age, are studying you.

Even the slightest inconsistency in you--even if it is only demonstrated in a word, a tone of voice, or an expression--will lower your influence with them to a remarkable degree.

And when a child learns to distrust a parent, all her warnings, correction, and advice, however heartfelt, will fall powerless.  This is perhaps one of the main reasons why we so frequently see the children of godly parents grow up to reject the faith.

If your example is not uniformly consistent with your instructions, your instructions will become a useless mockery. 

***Here followed an example of a Mrs. Smith who came to her church elder in distress because her daughters were rebellious and unrepentant.  She begged with tears that he would pray for them and insisted that she had "done all she could--she had prayed for them, and talked with them" and still it had done no good.

A few days later, the elder observed the woman in casual conversation with another lady from the congregation.  Mrs. Smith was effusive and friendly in her interaction with this other woman, urging her to stay longer, exuding warmth and sweetness.

As the woman turned to leave, Mrs. Smith expressed the hope that they would see one another often...but scarcely had the door closed behind her "friend", when Mrs. Smith turned to her daughters and started bad-mouthing the woman to them.  

Even her expression changed.  All grace and charity was sucked out of the room as she began to tear her friend apart with a critical spirit, pointing out her flaws and making fun of her idiosyncrasies.

"It is no difficult thing," the elder wrote, "to see why 'it does no good' for the mother to 'talk about religion' to her daughters; and I thought it must be impious mockery for that mother to pray for the conversion of her children, while she continued to set before them such an example."***

We could insert modern examples that are much the same.  

Would what we say in front of our children about our family, friends, and co-workers bear repeating in public?  To their faces?  

Are we double-minded and fork-tongued?

How about exhorting our children to "be peacemakers" with each other as we lead with our impatience in our dealings with them?

What are we watching and listening to as we urge them to "set no unclean thing" before their eyes?

How well do we "submit to ruling authorities" (even the ones we don't like) and obey the law (including traffic laws:) as we lecture them about obedience to parents, teachers, and coaches, and teach them the importance of following rules?

Mothers!  Watch your conduct!

Your children watch it.  

Every expression on your face, every word you utter, every action they see you perform is scanned and scrutinized by them, and if they see that you are being inconsistent, they will eventually in their hearts despise you.

You cannot fool a child very long with regard to your true character;  the only sure way to appear consistent is to be so.

************************

 For those of you who find yourselves rocking back and forth in the fetal position after reading this, please don't despair!  

I hope that we always remember that God is merciful.  We are in need of His forgiveness and He is so faithful to grant it when we ask.  

And amazingly, so are our children!  

I have seen over the years that God has gifted little ones with vast wellsprings of forgiveness toward their parents, if we would only humble ourselves and ask--and then repent and try to do better by the power of God.   

May He grant us the strength to see our inconsistency, to turn from it, and to walk in His ways both publicly and privately!

Psalm 103

 

 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
 Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
 Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
 Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle...

...The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
 Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
 For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.

 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
 When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
 But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
 To those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.

 The Lord has established His throne in the heavens,
And His sovereignty rules over all.
 Bless the Lord, you His angels,
Mighty in strength, who perform His word,
Obeying the voice of His word!
 Bless the Lord, all you His hosts,
You who serve Him, doing His will.
 Bless the Lord, all you works of His,
In all places of His dominion;
Bless the Lord, O my soul!