Giving the Gift of No

I am increasingly grieved as I watch the moral destruction of my country accelerate.  I look at my children and think about how strong they will have to be in order to withstand the verbal, financial, spiritual, emotional, and perhaps physical abuse they will face from a culture which calls good evil, and evil good.

I am seeing that there is no such thing as a truce with evil.  It is not tolerant.  It does not play well with others.  And when the bumper stickers urge you to "coexist", they really mean "drop your deeply held moral and religious convictions and stop talking about Jesus, you narrow-minded bigot."

It is not enough any more to have the goal of raising "nice kids", who we can then release into the lukewarm stew of a Judeo-Christian culture.

There was a time when parents could do that, and the undercurrent of shared Christian values and common grace would (after the expected season of wild-oats) bob them down the river into nice middle-class American lives.

No longer.  

If you aren't raising young soldiers who are passionate about truth, aware of evil, well disciplined, ministry minded, and others oriented, then they are more likely going to step off the dock, wave goodbye, and sink straight to the bottom.

Much as I wish I had the magic formula for raising children who will remain true to the Lord and mindful of their mission all their lives, I don't.  

But Scripture is speaking to us all the time.  It is bursting with truths about the nature of man, complete with detailed analyses of our propensities, proclivities, and pitfalls.  

And not only is it full of sage advice and detailed observations, it is illustrated throughout with cautionary tales of people who were swept away by their own wicked hearts.  

It is hard to hear that our sweet and cherished children are possessed of a depraved nature, or in Reverand Cameron's words "prone to all evil, averse from all good. "

Part 5 of his excellent sermon on motherhood deals with our obligation to train our little ones to hear and respond to the word "no".

"Beware," he says "of allowing them to have their own way."  Get them used to submitting to restraint.  Subject them to wholesome discipline--always administered in such a loving and gracious manner that they are aware that it is done for their benefit, not for the release of your frustration or out of embarrassment or simple irritation.  

Remember the case of Adonijah (1 Kings 1).  Scripture states that King David never wanted to upset his precious boy, so he never questioned anything the child did by saying, "Why do you behave as you do?" (1 Kings 1:6)

In other words, Adonijah was a spoiled brat.

Results:  David was tormented on his deathbed by the treachery of his son, and Adonijah's own brother was eventually forced to issue the order for his death.  Horrible.

Are we willing to risk creating monsters of selfishness just so we don't have to go through the discomfort of seeing their lower lips tremble when we tell them "no"?  

Many of us have been told by glossy magazines and "parenting experts" that good parents arrange the universe in such a way that their little darlings only hear "positivity".  We weren't supposed to discipline, we were supposed to re-direct them each time they bit one of the kids in playgroup or destroyed someone's home, re-arrange our schedules to avoid upsetting naptime, snacktime, storytime, playtime, and mealtime, distract them in the middle of their screaming fits, and defend them after they push their classmates off the slide, steal their friends' toys, and call their teammates bad words.  

We were to assuage every hurt feeling, massage their egos, and validate their inflated view of their position in the universe--basically go through 24 hour contortions to be sure they NEVER, EVER heard the word "no."

But the problem is that sometimes God says "no". 

He also says we do wrong (Romans 3:23, Romans 3:12), we ARE wrong (Jeremiah 17:9, Ephesians 2:3), we need help (Romans 8:7, Ephesians 4:18, Titus 3:3), and that the gratification of our whims and passions will eventually lead to our destruction unless we turn from our wickedness and submit to His loving ways (1 John 1:8-10, 1 John 3:1, 1 John 1:7).

God, being Holy, must take sin seriously, and thus, we as parents must take it seriously in ourselves and our children.  His warnings are for our benefit and for the salvation of our children.  

Look at Eli (1 Samuel 3).  He was a good man, but a weak and irresolute parent.  He allowed his sons to have their own way, until he had lost his authority over them.  When he finally stood up and rebuked them on the wickedness of their conduct, his words were unheeded.

He got started too late and there was no catching up.  And oh!  How painfully must the message of the Lord by Samuel have fallen upon the old man's ears!  How his heart must have sunk within him as he heard these awful words of God--

"For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons blasphemed God, and he failed to restrain them.  Therefore I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’”

 God is not mocked.  He means what He says and is never won over by big weepy eyes or whining.  So don't you be.

Do not give your precious children an inaccurate picture of their inherent brokenness, your inherent brokenness, and the cost and the terms of the incredible restoration God offers.   

"No" is one of the tools God uses to bring us to Himself.  Learn it, live it, love it.  

And then teach it to your children:)

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Romans 5:6-8

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.