He states, "Be firm and unbending in the exercise of your authority, requiring on all occasions implicit, unresisting obedience."
The question I would like to ask is "How?"
What does that look like in the daily life of a 21st century American family?
And what about when your well-intentioned, loving discipline has failed to bear fruit? What then?
And what about when you are not allowed to discipline?
What about when you are in public? In a culture that doesn't believe that children are ever wrong? (Or that Christians are ever right?) And your child is threatening a mutiny, but you can feel the government vultures circling above you, watching? With little notebooks and pencils-- and handcuffs?
Or how about when the heart of your child grows cold for a season and your words fall into empty space?
Or when the fog of exhaustion or distraction causes you to miss examples of disobedience or disrespect and you don't even recognize it until an ugly pattern is laid out and nailed down?
Or when you have messed this part up for a while out of laziness or ignorance and you are reaping a bitter harvest--but you still have years of parenting yet to go with these small hearts, in this small space?
What then? Too late? Too bad? So sad?
The truth of what he says cannot be disputed. God does not wink His eye at our partial obedience. And if we train our children to obey us on a sliding scale, they will inevitably try it on God, with disastrous results. (Think Saul. Or David and Absalom. Moses. Gehazi. Ananias and Saphira.)
But as you read this section--without giving yourself permission to fail--remember that Christ is the Redeemer. And that blowing it is not necessarily "fatal and irrecoverable," as Rev. Cameron warns.
Although it might be.
Hence the importance of taking what he says to heart, and setting perfect, loving, obedience as a worthy parenting goal, without being plunged into despair over past (or current) failures.
So, without further ado, Part 4--
"Be firm and unbending in the exercise of your authority, requiring on all occasions implicit, unresisting obedience."
Absolute submission to the authority of God is essential to true religion. It either happens or it doesn't. You cannot be partly obedient.
We either love Him and show it by voluntarily placing our own wills under His complete control, or we set ourselves up as the gods of God--giving our stamp of approval to the mandates we like, and sending the others back to Him with a rejection notice--as if we had the right to edit His edicts.
Oh, how the idea of complete, unquestioning, voluntary subjugation of the will jangles our post-modern sensibilities!
Is it any wonder our spirits rebel against the idea of demanding absolute obedience from our children when we have no intention of demanding it of ourselves before God?
We arrogantly hold back vast swaths of our interior landscape from His sovereign cultivation, as if He could be trusted with "everything but"...
...how I spend my leisure time
...how we structure our families
...what I listen to
... how I spend my money
...what I watch
...how I dress
...the things I include in my casual conversations
Here's a little passage I like to read whenever I start feeling like I'm qualified to judge the Judge--
Job 40: What Can I Say?
1Then the LORD said to Job,
2“Will the faultfinder contend with the Almighty?
Let him who reproves God answer it.”
3Then Job answered the LORD and said,
4“Behold, I am insignificant; what can I reply to You?
I lay my hand on my mouth.
5“Once I have spoken, and I will not answer;
Even twice, and I will add nothing more.”
God Questions Job
6Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm and said,
7“Now gird up your loins like a man;
I will ask you, and you instruct Me.
8“Will you really annul My judgment?
Will you condemn Me that you may be justified?
9“Or do you have an arm like God,
And can you thunder with a voice like His?
10“Adorn yourself with eminence and dignity,
And clothe yourself with honor and majesty.
11“Pour out the overflowings of your anger,
And look on everyone who is proud, and make him low.
12“Look on everyone who is proud, and humble him,
And tread down the wicked where they stand.
13“Hide them in the dust together;
Bind them in the hidden place.
14“Then I will also confess to you,
That your own right hand can save you.
Amen! Doesn't that just blow your hair back:)
God has every right to be sovereign over you. And He has given you absolute authority over your child, so that through their practice of daily, implicit submission to your will, they might in time be trained to exercise daily, implicit submission to His.
Until your child is able to judge rightly for himself, you are to him in the place of God; and if you allow yourself to be argued down--if you habitually compromise your position of authority in your child's eyes--you essentially train your child to be a rebel against God.
If, out of laziness, or selfishness, or a misguided sense of compassion, we cultivate insubordination in our children, we must then be willing to take some of the credit for their eternal ruin.
It goes without saying that consistency on this point is also essential. God never says, "You must obey me--except when it has been a really long day and I'm too tired to argue about it."
Or, "You must obey me--except when I'm feeling lazy, or not wanting you to make a scene in front of My friends, or if you cry and complain long enough and loud enough to tug on My heart strings."
His standard is absolute, and since you are a picture of Him to your children, yours must be also.
This is not to say you should be severe! No! No! No!
(Did you hear me say, "No"?)
"The most unbending authority may and should be blended with the most unwearied love."
And the two ought always to be blended because they are the two great principles of God's government, and your family government should resemble His.
Nor should your children be required to obey your whims and wimsy. We are talking about obedience to the standards of God, your Lord and Commander, whose scriptural mandates you are first living under yourself, and then passing along to your children.
Remember, "the unwearied exercise of love will prevent your authority from degenerating into harshness--and the unbending exercise of authority will prevent your love from degenerating into foolish indulgence."
******************
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
My son, keep your father's command and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our
God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your
heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words
that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them
diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your
house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when
you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be
as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of
your house and on your gates.”
John 15:14
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (Jesus’ speaking)
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